1999 Newsletter - Volume
2. Issue 24
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Wanna Buy a Dog
by Tom Crowe
I wanna buy a dog. Im
not sure what kind or breed of dog I want. I do know I
want a nice puppy that is healthy, has a good background
and will grow up to look the way its supposed to look.
Where do I go? I have read so many tales and heard of so
many incidents from the media that Im not sure where to
turn to contact someone that will honestly set me on the
right path. I do want to buy a dog. Can you help me?
Pretty much the case that
presently exists today in purebred dogs. The puppy mills,
the pet shops and the unscrupulous persons ready to take
advantage of unsuspecting buyers wanting a nice pet for
the children or for themselves. There is nothing more
appealing than a fluffy puppy and there is at present
really no effective way of determining the real background
of a commercially advertised puppy or dog.
The American Kennel Club is
struggling within their registration department to cleanse
the falsified documents that have accumulated over the
years and they are finding and suspending hundreds of the
perpetrators of these false records. However, a $500.00
(or greater) fine and a 10-year suspension of all
privileges mean nothing to these people. They have no
intention of paying the fines and could care less about
the suspensions. They just change the names and addresses
of the breeders, collect new registration forms and
continue their illegal ways.
Honesty cannot be
legislated. What a great world this would be if a law
could be passed that from now on everyone was to be
honest. More than likely it would be a fools paradise
and the dishonest would continue their dishonest ways with
legal protection. The AKC is trying, but to actually
police this mess would take hundreds of investigators and
millions of dollars to make a dent in the situation. It is
impossible for the AKC to handle this logistical nightmare
What to do? What to do? The
usual reply I hear is, Thats the responsibility of
the AKC to straighten out their mess. Whoa! For years
the AKC has been operating under the assumption that the
people they were dealing with were breeders and sportsman
and in the majority of instances they were right. It has
only been in the recent past few years that the demand for
purebred dogs has ballooned into a high-demand commodity.
The AKC registers an average of 1,000,000 dogs per year.
The average life of a dog is 11 years. That means that in
the past 11 years 11,000,000 dogs are out there and each
year a million or more dogs are coming onto the scene.
Those are only the ones registered; what about the several
millions that are not registered? Talk about a hot
commodity! There are farmers out there who have started
breeding dogs as a second crop and they dont have to
worry about the weather. To make the situation worse the
media is making hay of the situation and without recourse
is destroying the sport of purebred dogs as a hobby.
The AKC, breeders,
exhibitors, judges, handlers and superintendents and any
others interested in purebred dogs working together must
become the solution. We must take up the challenge to
straighten out this mess and each do our part to reform
our methods of merchandising dogs. We must bring honesty
and integrity into our sport and the way we treat the
interested public that wanna buy a dog.
InfoDog will fire the first
salvo in this revolution. We recently introduced a new
program called Winners and Bragging Rights to all
exhibitors. By the time it was operational for little more
than a week we already had more than a thousand persons
registered in the program. We are receiving more and more
each day with glowing reports. Browse the program and see
for yourself what a bang-up deal it is. However thats
not the point.
The point is that buried in
that program and not fully brought to light is a click to
offer the dog displayed FOR SALE. That part of the program
is in process of being expanded to become the VERY
IMPORTANT PLACE TO SELL PUREBRED PUPPIES FROM RECOGNIZED
BREEDERS. We intend this site to become, with the aid of
all dog persons, the only right place where the I wanna
buy a dog person may obtain a healthy, registered
purebred from healthy disease-free parents; where they can
be assured they are dealing with honest breeders with
integrity; where they can receive honest instruction and
guidance on the care of their new puppy. We pledge this
site to the very important members of our sport, the
breeders. We will work with the AKC, the Parent Clubs, The
AKC Canine Health Foundation and all others who wish to
join with us in correcting the present dilemma.
We want to put an end to
puppy mills and unscrupulous dealers and we can do it if
we all work together. WE NEED YOUR INPUT AND WE NEED IT
NOW WHILE WE ARE REFINING THE PROGRAM. Any ideas you may
have we want. Dont hesitate to have your say. We
consider this the most important issue facing the AKC and
the entire sport. Registrations are declining, entries are
declining and the public no longer trusts the AKC or the
sport in general. WE HAVE ALREADY HAD ENOUGH BAD PRESS.
LETS HAVE SOME GOOD PRESS FOR A CHANGE. OUR DOOR TO THE
WORLD THROUGH THE INTERNET IS AT YOUR DISPOSAL. LETS
OPEN THAT DOOR AND USE IT!!!!!
WHERE I SIT
Top of Page
by John S.
One of the issues that
comes up before the AKC Delegate body periodically is
whether professional judges should be allowed to become
Delegates. The AKC Constitution and Bylaws is quite clear
on the subject. Delegates who are dog event judges may be
reimbursed by the host club of the event only to the
extent of their actual expenses; these expenses are
defined as those costs associated with lodging, meals and
transportation. I would estimate, once every three or four
years a motion is made to permit Delegate judges to charge
a fee for their services. To date all of these motions
have been defeated which would seem to indicate that the
member clubs are committed to the principal that the
governing delegate body should consist solely of amateurs.
In the early days of the
AKC judges and delegates alike were all amateurs. The
exhibitors for the most part were wealthy individuals with
large kennels, most of which were managed by paid
employees who handled all of the associated functions such
as breeding, whelping, training and handling the dogs in
the show ring. It became obvious that these professional
kennel managers for the most part would make excellent dog
show judges when they were ready to retire from their
kennel management careers. Upon retirement however, many
or most of these kennel managers would still have need of
income if they were to live decently. Accordingly, the AKC
Bylaws were changed to permit judges of dog shows to
charge a fee above and beyond their actual expenses.
These great kennels of the
past have for the most part disappeared as has the concept
of kennel managers. It is quite common however for present
day professional handlers to turn to judging when their
handling careers are over and it is natural for them to
earn retirement income from this activity. However, a
large number of our current dog event judges are not
former professional handlers and for the most part are
otherwise employed on the weekdays between dog shows.
Nevertheless, it has become the rule rather than the
exception for this latter category of judges to charge a
fee above and beyond expenses, which is often tied to the
number of breeds for which they are accredited.
There is nothing right or
wrong about charging a fee for judging. It is clearly
recognized that there are many activities associated with
the showing of dogs for which it is entirely legitimate
and proper to charge a fee. Where would we be without
professional handlers, superintendents, photographers, and
of course professional judges?
Let us examine, however,
the question of whether it is appropriate for any
individual making all or any part of his livelihood out of
these dog show related activities. To do so we must of
course raise the question of whether there is a potential
conflict of interest for these individuals to serve as
Delegates to the AKC. If indeed the sport is to be
governed by amateurs it is inappropriate for any person
who has a financial stake in these dog show activities to
vote on policies and regulations which could in turn
affect his finances. In other words, one must make a
decision at some point which route he or she wishes to
take when getting involved more deeply in the dog game
than breeding and showing ones own dogs.
The argument has been made
that by excluding professional judges from the ranks of
AKC Delegates we are depriving ourselves of a great body
of dog knowledge and wisdom which could prove useful in
governing the affairs of the AKC. I believe this is a
specious argument inasmuch as there are thousands of dog
people with the depth of knowledge and experience who are
available for service as Delegates. Indeed, I believe that
a large number of Delegates are also dog event judges who
have cheerfully given up financial remuneration from their
dog activities to serve in this honorable capacity.
What to do about it?
Nothing! The system is functioning very well and if it
isnt broken dont fix it.
Blast From the Past - Morris & Essex Kennel Club
received several blasts from the past
in the form of old articles. They were submitted to us by
Howard Nygood for publication in the next few MB-F
Newsletters. In view of the rebirth of the Morris and
Essex Kennel Club, we thought this glimpse into those
"good ol' days" would be a treat for those who
remember the show and those who have only heard stories.
first appeared in the AKC GAZETTE June 1, 1929. Reprinted
here with permission of Neil Singer.
Morris and Essex Kennel Club show, held on the estate of
Mrs. M. Hartley Dodge, at Madison, New Jersey, was one of
the features of the spring season in the East. The
Pomeranian, Ch. Little Emir, owned by Mrs. Vincent Matta,
went best in show, defeating many other splendid specimens
N o more ideal dog show could be imagined than that given
by the Morris and Essex Kennel Club at Giralda Farms,
Madison, New Jersey, recently. It was the third annual
exhibition of the organization, and as there were more
than 1,200 dogs benched it was a most notable affair for a
one-day show. Such a large entry was all the more
remarkable, because the exhibition was a selective affair,
with only a certain number of breeds invited to appear in
the ring. As an example, the Pomeranians and the Pekingese
were the only toys invited to be judged. There were no toy
dogs last year. Therefore the admission of the little
fellows was a decided innovation. It is interesting to
note that it was one of the toy breeds, the well-known
Pomeranian, Ch. Little Emir, the property of Mrs. Vincent
Matta, of Astoria, Long Island, New York, that had the
honor of winning the sterling silver trophy offered by P.
A. Rockefeller for being the best dog in the show. The
award was made by Theodore Offerman, of New York. Giralda
Farms, where the show was benched, is the country estate
of Mrs. M. Hartley Dodge, the well-known fancier of
shepherd dogs. Mrs. Dodge was a delightful hostess, giving
a most enjoyable dance and supper on the evening prior to
the show. The day of the exhibition was ideal in so far as
weather was concerned. It was almost a perfect spring day.
This was responsible for a gallery that numbered many,
thousand enthusiastic spectators who watched the judging
in an eager manner. The list of judges included the
bestknown experts in the country, Frank H. Addyman handed
out the ribbons in the sporting dog division of the
variety class. Mr. Addymans choice was the famous
cocker spaniel, Ch. Lucknow Creme de la Creme, owned by
Mr. and Mrs. Frederic C. Brown, of New York City. A
clumber spaniel, Ch. Carnforth jewel of Overcross, which
is owned by Mrs. Haley Fiske, of Bernardsville, New
Jersey, finished second. The third trophy went to Clarion
Dinah, a springer spaniel, which is owned by the Clarion
Kennels of New York. A Russian wolfhound, Dingy of
Mercury, owned by the Valley Farm Kennels of Stamford,
Connecticut, was given reserve. Others in the class were
the beagle, Rubby M, owned by Harry E. McLaughlin and
Helen M. McLaughlin, of Yonkers, New York; the pointer,
Ch. Post Road Jeff II, the property of LeRoy A. Fales, of
East Greenwich, Rhode Island; the English setter, Frality
of Ardagh, owned by Ernest W. Smoot, of Washington, D. C.,
and the Irish setter, Ch. Rexs Red Don, which belongs
to Mr. and Mrs. William R. Luben, of Brewster, New York.
The working dogs were judged by Anton A. Rost. His winning
dog was a Great Dane. The big fellow was the harlequin
bitch, Anny Tipp Topp of Wildoakes, owned by Mr. and Mrs.
Richard C. Bondy, of Goldenbridge, New York. Then came the
Doberman pinscher, Big Boy of White Gate, the property of
the White Gate Kennels of Willow Grove, Pennsylvania.
Third in this class was the well-known shepherd, Ch. Arko
v Sadowaberg of Jessford, which is owned by the Jessford
Kennels of Jericho, Long Island, New York. Reserve went to
the collie, Southport Blue Knight, which belongs to the
Bournbrae Kennels of Jersey City, New Jersey. There were
no other dogs in this class. William L. Barclay, of
Philadelphia, handed out the ribbons for the terriers. He
found his best in the wire foxterrier, Burlesdon Banker,
owned by F. B. Lord, of New York City. The Scottish
terrier, Fairwold Currie, owned by the Fairwold Kennels of
Fort Washington, Pennsylvania, finished second. Then came
the Sealyham, Windygate Dandy, the property of the
Shelterfield Kennels of Buzzards Bay, Massachusetts.
Reserve went to Flornell Masterpiece, an Airedale
terrier, owned by James M. Manning, of Philadelphia,
Pennsylvania. Others in the class were the cairn terrier,
Ch. Knipton Dean of Tapscot, the property of the Tapscot
Kennels of Wilton, Connecticut; Little Red Iris, an Irish
terrier, which is owned by Marcus Bruckheimer, of New York
City, and the schnauzer, Bursch v Weil Hitofa, the
property of Frank Spiekerman, of Greenwich, Connecticut.
Among the toys, which were judged by Alva B. Rosenberg, of
Brooklyn, the winning Pomeranian had only one competitor.
It was the Pekingese, Ch. Marvel of Shantung of TSan
Wen, the property of Mrs. John B. Hadaway. It was a great
battle between the Peke and Ch. Little Emir, the Pom, the
latter finally winning and so going on to the best in show
class. Three non-sporting dogs were judged by G. V. Glebe.
He found his best in the bulldog, Son 0' Cinders of
Firenze, owned by Lt.-Col. and Mrs. M. R. Guggenheim, of
Babylon, Long Island, New York, A. H. Endles Boston
terrier, Endles Speed King, Jr., finished second. The
third and last award went to Clairedale Son Too, a chow
chow, owned by the Clairedale Kennels of Stony Brook, Long
Island, New York. The full list of awards will be found
among the corrected and adopted show awards in this issue
of the Gazette.----Diogenes. June 1, 1927
From The Very Far East
As some of you know I am
presently in Tokyo, Japan accompanying my daughter, who is
here on a modeling contract. I have tried my very best to
convince her that I have made this great sacrifice to be
here with her since she is underage, it is her first time
this very far distance from home and that I just might be
needed in case of an emergency or illness. In fact, I told
her, I should probably get Mother of the Year for
doing this. Shes not buying it. However, she was glad I
was here when she did have a dramatic allergic reaction to
something and we had to go to hospital. She recovered
quickly after a very big shot and some medication. (See?
The mother-Gods are always looking out for us to help
prove to our children we do have some brains and good
In any event, while she is
off working I have been having quite the adventure in
getting to know Tokyo over this extended period of time.
Naturally, I have been noticing quite a few doggie things
and will be sharing them with you (along with photos, I
hope) over the next couple of issues of the Newsletter.
During my time here there
are plans to visit the Japan Kennel Club. I had
correspondence with them prior to my leaving the U.S. and
have spoken with them since my arrival, and a meeting is
to occur later in July, however, probably not in time for
inclusion in this issue. There are no shows at this time
in Tokyo or in the near vicinity due to the summer, so
Ill not have a chance to see a Japanese show. But, here
are some observations:
I dont know what I
expected in the way of breeds here, but I have seen mostly
AKC-recognized breeds. I have seen a couple of Shiba Inu,
but no Akitas. I have seen Golden Retrievers, Labradors,
Beagles, Poodles (Toy and Miniature), Long Coated
Chihuahuas, Italian Greyhounds, Dachshunds (all three
varieties), Pembroke Welsh Corgis, Shih Tzu, a Pomeranian,
Miniature Schnauzer, Eskimo Spitz, Pug, Ascob Cocker
Spaniel and a Wire Fox Terrier.
All the dogs have been in
excellent condition and well-groomed; a couple of the
Poodles were in Continental cuts. All dogs have been on
lead; Ive seen no dogs off lead.
Dogs seem to be welcome
just about everywhere and there are, of course, the usual
signs requesting dog owners to pick up after their dogs.
And they do. The parks, sidewalks, etc., are all free of
This is a country of many
people traveling during the course of the day by train,
subway, vehicle, bicycle and on foot. Many times during
the day I see people headed somewhere on their bicycles
with their canine companion on-lead at their side. I see
them out for a stroll in the park, their dogs on lead. I
see their pets in personal carriers (much like those baby
slings parents use to carry their infants close to their
chests) peering out at the passersby. Ive see them
cradled in one arm while their owner does their banking.
Ive seen them at their side while their owner was
sitting enjoying a beverage at one of the many outdoor
cafes. Ive seen them, lead affixed to a railing,
waiting patiently outside a business for their owner to
One common thing Ive
observed is that no matter what the circumstance passersby
always comment and/or stop to say something regarding the
dog, give it a pat on the head, a smile to the owner and
then move on to their destination.
There are many dog products
on display in a variety of stores, from grocery stores to
herb shops to trendy shops. Dog statues and photos are
used in storefront displays, from clothing stores to
And then there is
television. All television here is in Japanese, unless you
have one of the sets that allows for bilingual broadcasts
of certain programs (news, weather and some movies). We
dont have that type of set here in our little
apartment, so we usually turn down the sound and make up
our own dialog (dont laugh, it works surprisingly
Dogs are very prevalent on
TV as well. We have the Pedigree and Science Diet
commercials. We have seen commercials featuring a Sumo
wrestler with a Longhaired Dachshund; a commercial
including a family with their Golden Retriever; a person
with their Jack Russell Terrier; a child with a Golden and
other commercials for a variety of things that just
include a dog. These commercials all seem to indicate that
dogs are very much a part of peoples everyday lives.
We have seen news
broadcasts showing police dogs searching for a missing
child. We have seen statues honoring a dog; we have seen
memorials at a shrine dedicated to departed pets. All in
all, I have to say the Japanese seem to be among those
compatriots of ours known as dog people. Dogs, no
matter what the country, no matter what the language, do
find their way into peoples lives as well as their
hearts. More next time.
Brokers And Puppy Mills
by Tom Crowe
For the last several weeks
I have been doing a lot of research on the above subject.
I am finding out about things I never knew existed. I
guess I may have had my head in the sand or, more likely,
Ive been unable to see the forest for the trees. I have
had a rude awakening and I intend to do something about
what I have discovered. First let me bring you up-to-date
with some of the research.
For years I have been aware
of puppy mills but never had much thought about their
extent until recently. When we first started InfoDog our
intentions were to furnish a service to all dog clubs
concerning dog shows and other related matters. We soon
found ourselves spending a lot more time on the other
related matters than we had originally estimated. And now
we find InfoDog in a position to be really meaningful as a
top website devoted to dogs.
Are you aware there are
untold registry bodies for dogs? Organizations providing
registration certificates on beautiful parchment paper in
gold ink, etc., aside from the AKC and the UKC? To name a
CKC - The Continental
Kennel Club APR - Americas Pet Registry NAMBR - North
American Mixed Breed Registry IAR - International Animal
Registry NAPDR - North American Purebred Dog Registry DRA
- Dog Registry of America APR - American Purebred Registry
ABDA - American Dog Breeders Association USKC - United
States Kennel Club WWKC - World Wide Kennel Club WKC -
World Kennel Club
And I dont know how many
more there are out there, but I m sure you get the
idea. This is big business. Altogether there are millions
of dogs registered each year. If your qualifications
dont match the registry to which you apply there is
certainly another that will, for a fee of course, that is
usually less than the AKC. Mostly they accept whatever the
Wow! The puppy mills can
produce whatever kind of pedigree they like. Who cares?
The consumer has papers and maybe they can start
their own breeding kennel. I will tell you straight out I
think the purebred dog business as we know it has been
going to hell in a hand basket ever since the end of
World War II.
Tom Crowe is an alarmist.
Hes trying to sell something. You bet I am. Listen to
this: The setup is the title of this article. The
potential breeder is approached by a nice person (the
Broker) and assures the breeder that he can sell all of
the puppies the breeder can breed at a nice price. The
Broker then approaches the pet shops and offers to supply
puppies with pedigrees as long as your arm at his price
(the brokers fee). The breeder is now part of the puppy
This nonsense that puppy
mills are ALL dirty kennels, with terrible living
conditions and starving puppies is not entirely true, BUT,
the handling of this cash crop is as matter-of-fact as a
field of corn or a pen of hogs. Consider this actual
happening. At a Parent Club National Specialty in Eastern
Pennsylvania, three seemingly Amish ladies in full Amish
dress, were standing at ringside admiring the dogs and
chatting with other ringsiders. A short time later they
were touring the site trying to buy bitches at a good
price. It doesnt take a rocket scientist to figure out
their possible mission. They were farmers; thats their
role in life, and they were buying the seeds of a cash
crop. Its easier than plowing. No worry about rain or
cold or lack of sunshine or whatever. What could be a
better way for a farmers wife to supplement the
familys income? The triangle is complete the Breeder,
the Broker and the Pet Store. There are hundreds of these
Breeders and Brokers, some good and most bad without
compassion or regard for the animals. They are just a cash
InfoDog has pledged to
fight these injustices to our sport. Registrations are
down at the AKC. Magazines are denigrating the finest
registry of dogs in the world. Television programs are
aimed at the AKC for accepting falsified records and there
are insufficient personnel as representatives to check all
of the suspects let alone the non-suspects. What are we
going to do before owning a registered purebred dog
Get involved. We are going
to fight to correct the wrongs being perpetrated against
our Sport, our Registry and our Puppies. If we join ranks
and fight together we can cripple the miscreants. Get on
InfoDogs website and see where you can fit in at
http://www.infodog.com 24-hours-a-day every day of the
Thoughts On Co-ownerships
by Dorie Crowe
In a previous column Jack
Ward expressed some thoughts in regard to some of the
things breeders were now putting into contracts with new
puppy buyers. I have some thoughts on co-ownerships, not
necessarily having to do with the thrust of Jacks
Co-ownerships seem to be
fairly popular - just look in any catalog and you will see
multiple owners listed for various entries. People also
have a myriad of reasons for having multiple owners on
their dog. Some people sell their puppy, but want to
retain co-ownership to insure the pup is shown. Some
invite a co-owner onto their dog to help finance the
showing of their dog. Some form what appear to be
syndicates in order to finance a campaign; indeed, there
are so many co-owners they dont fit into the computer
program even if we leave off the first names or the first
initials of all the owners! Some kennels are owned and
operated by a partnership and everything they breed is
co-owned until sold.
Whatever the reason for
co-ownership people need to take a long, hard look at this
arrangement and what it means. To begin with, there are NO
primary owners in the eyes of AKC. All owners listed on a
dog are equal in AKCs eyes.
We cant tell you the
number of times people come to the desk at shows and want
the order of the owners names changed to reflect a
particular one in the first position. And the majority of
the time it has nothing to do with the postal service
requiring their name first because of the address thats
We cant tell you the
number of times people come to the desk at shows because
they did not receive an acknowledgement because the other
owner sent in the entry and used their own address on the
entry. There is only one acknowledgement and one ticket
sent per dog. You cant have multiple addresses or
tickets on one dog.
One address on a dog also
means one of the owners will not be on the mail file,
unless, of course, they are showing another dog as well.
This means they will not be receiving premium lists. The
mail file is tied to a dogs registration number and the
date it was last shown. If a dog has not been shown in 13
months it is automatically dropped off the mail file.
In an age in which 50% of
marriages end in divorce its amazing to me that
partnerships are continually formed over dog ownership and
then the parties are amazed when something goes wrong.
Partnerships, like marriages, are also difficult to
maintain and partnerships that split can be every bit as
vengeful and hurtful as divorcing couples.
We see many instances where
there are deputies on the grounds to serve one co-owner
with court papers. We see instances where there are
officers at ringside to insure one co-owner doesnt
attempt to assault or otherwise interfere with the other.
Weve seen fights, heard namecalling and more. What kind
of message is this sending to those spectators whove
just come to enjoy themselves at the dog show and see what
its all about? Doesnt make the sport seem very
appealing, does it?
We get calls, we get
letters regarding litigation. People continually try to
put superintendents and AKC into the middle of their
dispute. What owners dont seem to realize is that until
any proceeding is finished and there has been a FINAL
ruling (and remember a court case that is under appeal is
not final), neither AKC nor superintendents can do
anything for either party.
Perhaps if owners did more
ground work and more preparation PRIOR to entering into
any co-ownership arrangement we would have less malice
afterward. Perhaps if owners didnt enter into
co-ownerships we would have none!
Maybe the time has come to
have something similar to a pre-nuptial agreement when
there are multiple owners being considered for a dog.
Spell it all out at the beginning, dot all the is and
cross all the ts, cover all the bases, etc., regarding
who is responsible for what regarding entries, care,
living arrangements and so forth. AND also include an
agreement on how disputes are to be handled. For my own
part, Id like to see something in such an agreement
that says that any party who resorts to proven underhanded
tactics, verbal or physical abuse of the other owner(s)
forfeits all rights of ownership.
The other important thing
Id like to see when disputes arise over a dog thats
being shown is that all showing privileges be immediately
suspended by AKC until the dispute is resolved. This could
mean either the privileges for that one dog, or the
privileges of the disputing parties, or both. There is
absolutely no reason to subject anyone else to warring
owners and the lengths they will sometimes go to to
aggravate or hurt the other parties involved in the
dispute. We certainly dont need it ringside - or
anywhere else on the showgrounds. We dont need it
online either. Maybe not being permitted to show will
encourage people to settle their differences amicably.
Maybe it will encourage people to be more careful BEFORE
entering into a co-ownership arrangement.
Then again, maybe not.
After all, this type of thing always happens to the other
The Shaggy Dog Stories
HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY
DRIVE OTHER PEOPLE NUTS!
Page yourself over the
intercom. Dont disguise your voice.
Put your garbage can on
your desk and label it IN.
Find out where your boss
shops and buy exactly the same outfits.
Always wear them one day
after your boss does.
Put decaf in the coffee
maker for three weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their
caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. Repeat.
Send e-mail to the rest of
the company to tell them what youre doing. For example:
If anyone needs me, Ill be in the bathroom.
While sitting at your desk,
soak your fingers in Palmolive.
Put mosquito netting around
Insist that your e-mail
address be ...firstname.lastname@example.org or...
Every time someone asks you
to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
Encourage your colleagues
to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
Determine how many cups of
coffee are too many. Enforce.
Develop an unnatural fear
For a relaxing break, get
away from it all in the fish tank with a mask and snorkel.
If no one notices, ditch the snorkel and see how many fish
you can catch in your mouth.
Send e-mail messages that
advertise free pizza, doughnuts, etc., in the breakroom.
When people complain that there was nothing there, lean
back, rub your stomach, and say, Youve got to be
faster than that.
When driving colleagues
around, insist on keeping your cars windshield wipers
running during all weather conditions to keep em tuned
Reply to everything someone
says with, Thats what you think.
Practice making fax and
Keep strange insects in a
jar on your desk in a conspicuous place.
information in scientific papers, then cc them to your
Finish all your sentences
with in accordance with the prophecy.
Adjust the tint on your
monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire
working area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
Dont use any punctuation
As often as possible, skip
rather than walk.
Ask people what gender they
While making presentations,
occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
Wink rapidly in no
At lunchtime, sit in your
parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see
if they slow down.
Specify that your
drive-through order is to go.
Stomp on plastic ketchup
Holler random numbers while
someone is counting.
Honk and wave at strangers.
Decline to be seated at a
restaurant, then eat the complimentary mints by the cash
TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE or
type only in lowercase.
What? Never mind.
Its gone now.
Sing along at the opera.
Go to a poetry recital and
ask why the poems dont rhyme.
Five days in advance, tell
your friends you cant attend their party because
youre not in the mood.
And the final way to annoy
people while keeping your own sanity: Send this e-mail to
everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to you
or have asked you not to send them stuff like this.
(submitted via the Internet
by Joni Hartsook)
A DAILY PRAYER
So far today Ive done
all right I havent gossiped I havent lost my temper
I havent been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish or
Im very thankful for
But in a few minutes, God,
Im going to get out of bed; and from then on Im
probably going to need a lot of help.
SOME LESSONS FOR
US ALL by Dorie Crowe
For the past two months my
daughter and I have been living in a tiny apartment in the
Jingumae area of Shibuyaki, a ward in Tokyo. I have been
seeing the sights and she has been working (this is an
arrangement to which I could become accustomed).
Whilst rambling around this
very metropolitan and ancient city, Ive been exposed to
a number of realizations that might possibly translate to
the dog world.
Tokyo is a city that
handles some 12 million inhabitants (counting those within
commuting distance who travel into the city every day).
The islands comprising Japan are small, the population is
large. Living quarters, by necessity are small and
everything in them is compact. You would not usually be
invited to a friends home because of this, but you
would meet at restaurants and clubs. Space is at a
Probably through necessity,
rules of civility and harmony and honor have evolved over
the centuries and everyone adheres to them.
People treat one another
graciously; the smallest trinket is wrapped with care. It
is rare to hear a raised voice; they speak to everyone
civilly. Care is taken of others property. The
population boasts a 99% literacy rate. There is very
little crime. People regularly leave their trucks open
while delivering supplies, park their bikes or motorbikes
and leave them, leave their grocery carriers at the store
entrance while shopping, fall asleep on the trains.
We are not talking
Pollyannas here. During rush hour its more or less
survival of the fitest - the tush pushers (yes, an
actual job duty) are out there on the subway platforms
packing people into the trains with their gloved hands
while you are squished like a sardine; no one gets up and
offers their seat to an elderly person or woman. More than
60% of adult males (down from 85% a decade ago) smoke
here; you can forget about non-smoking sections of
anything. If youre out there youre expected to deal
with everything just like everyone else. They also have
their share of scandals and renegades and their youth have
their rebellious element and their own mode of dress.
Vendors keep within their
space, no spreading out; they figure out how to best
display their wares within their allotted area.
There is no tipping -
people perform their jobs with graciousness and care. Some
of the more elegant established hotels or western
restaurants may add a service charge to your bill, but the
everyday places you frequent and the taxis dont expect
a tip for performing their jobs to the best of their
You are a guest and are
treated as a guest. However, guests are also expected to
act graciously and within the rules of civility, harmony
What does this have to do
with the dog world? While we dont compare in the sheer
magnitude of the population of Tokyo (or all three of the
islands), we have a way to go in incorporating civility,
honor and harmony into our daily dog world routines.
Some take not only their
allotted grooming, parking or vendor space, but two or
three others spaces as well.Some talk unkindly about
their competition, some dont treat others civilly. Some
dont take care of others property (show grounds),
some raise their voices at show officials, parking
officials, competitors. There is no feeling of need to get
along with others.
Some take no responsibility
for their actions; some attempt to ruin others
anonymously. Some dont always act with honor.
If we are the host we
dont always act accordingly; if we are the guest we
dont always act accordingly. I wonder how this looks to
new people thinking of coming into the sport. I wonder how
this looks to those whom weve invited to view our
Sometimes we can take
lessons from others. Usually we are very good at taking
from others. It would be nice to take civility, harmony
and honor and incorporate them into our sport on an
everyday basis. It would be nice to begin today.
is a good thing.
you have a favorite doggy laff
-- particularly a true story --
please send it in and share a good laff with fellow dog
c/o The Shaggy Dog
P.O. Box 22107
Greensboro, NC 27420
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